with Lori Rubenstein,
Life Coach and Divorce Mediator

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Conscious Relationships

Transcending Divorce Listen to Lori read an exerpt on "Forgiveness" from Chapter 9 - Heal Yourself, in her book, Transcending Divorce

Ode to My Exes

I feel incredibly blessed to have spent my daughter's high school graduation with all the most important men in my life, including my son, father, both of my ex-husbands, and an ex-boyfriend.

Everyone was extremely generous in allowing each other to just be who they are, without ramifications or judgments, all putting aside their own issues for the sake of this beautiful young woman. I sat there counting my blessings and took great joy in recognizing the differences in each person. One has a huge heart; three are very intelligent; another has unconditional love for all of us. We laughed and laughed. We worked well together in preparing meals and cleaning up afterwards.

Oh did I mention, they all stayed at my house?

Of course, there was some competition, especially during game time and bowling. We recognized which parent our children got their issues from, like my daughter's unhappiness when she does not win comes from her father's side, and her outspokenness comes from my side. My son definitely has his father's sense of humor. I have my father's passion for food.

These are some things that are rarely discussed with the child's other parent when there is a divorce. Who gets to have "family" photos taken after divorces? Who gets to spend 2 or 3 days with their ex-spouses years after a divorce?

These joys come to people who truly forgive. Yes, these are the blessings of forgiveness.

I write about this because it breaks my heart to see so many people holding onto anger and resentment about a spouse. My book, Transcending Divorce, has a whole chapter on how to forgive your ex, and I have a 40 minute mp3 with a forgiveness exercise on it. Ultimately, you will learn, there is nothing really to forgive, that we were all playing our little roles, and that there is no right or wrong, it is merely the illusion of our thinking leads us to believe in this right/wrong dichotomy.

My recommendation? Give your children the gift of both parents who love them. They don't benefit by your anger or resentment towards their parent. Allow them to experience special days, graduations, birthdays, marriages, births, with both parents who love them. Be the loving, accepting, non-judgmental parent. That is what this Step Up newsletter is all about... take that leap of faith. And if you need help with that, let me know how I can be of service to you.

Blessings to you... Lori

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